Serial Sorcerer
by silvanuszed
Summary: A serial killer is loose on the streets of Chicago and a magic most black surrounds the gruesome butchery. Harry Dresden is called in to investigate and he's guaranteed to hate what he finds.


The Dresden Files was created by Jim Butcher

CHAPTER ONE

A GREAT HONOR

In my particular line of work you learn to put up with a very specific type of annoyance. The type of annoyance that has kids showing up at your office with black cloaks and fake spectacles asking if you can direct them to platform nine and three quarters. The type of annoyance that has nerdy brats submitting formal invitations to join their D&D games and smirking men poking their heads in asking if they can buy the 'saw the woman in half' trick and hold the saw. So when Melville and Bosco strolled into my place of work in their full Gandalf getup, fake beard and all, I understandably lost my patience.

To be fair, though, I can't fault them too much. I am a wizard after all. It says so on my door. And that's how I'm listed in the yellow pages. Wizard for hire, actually. And no, I don't do birthday party's and I'll only show up to a bachelor party if there's a stripper, (and she'll have to do all the tricks).

They sat in front of me and stared at me across my desk while my twenty four-hour glass silently slid the sand to three o'clock. (Technology tends to get a bit wonky around me so I stick to medieval methods whenever possible.) I loudly cleared my throat and the pudgy one began to speak. "Um, Master Wizard, we come seeking thine divine guidance to a quest of fathomless-"

"Dresden"

The pudgy kid sputtered, making the fake beard on his chin wag about comically. "Um, ah... what?"

"'Mister' in fact. You can call me 'Mister Dresden' or you can get the hell out."

The pudgy kid's companion, a gangly chap with a face peppered with acne, leaned in and whispered. "The master wizard obviously does not wish to have his title invoked."

"But why would that be, Master Bosco? Surely we magical beings should take pride in our magicalness."

"I should think that the most powerful of the Magically gifted tend to downplay themselves, Master Melville."

"But of course! You are quite right, Master Bosco!"

(I swear, I was this close to shooting them.) "Is there a point either of you turds want to get to?" I said, rather loudly. The two of them jumped, obviously forgetting that the 'magically gifted' can hear just as well as the 'muggles'.

"Yes, certainly, Master- I mean Mr Dresden," Melville said. "We've come to bestow upon you a great and ostentatious honor the likes of which no one has yet experienced."

"No one," Bosco echoed, nodding solemnly.

"We are much the same, you and I," Melville waved a hand dramatically over his head in an all-encompassing sort of way, "relegated to the section of myth while all your friends think you insane. Knowing you are different and truly special yet feeling all alone and frightened at your vast power. Yes, Master- I mean Mr Dresden, I know what you feel deep down when you cry yourself to sleep in your dormitory roo- I mean... that is... your bed. But you need not fear your power any longer. Know that you are not alone. There are many who share in your mythical abilities, well, at least two. And we invite you to cast off your disguise, embrace your magical gifts and come out of the closet!"

"Come again?"

"What mine comrade means is," Bosco said, quickly stepping in, "is that we want you to join our select group-"

"For gay people?"

"No, no. Master Melville doesn't quite understand how to use that term-"

"So you have a problem with gay people joining your group?"

"What? No! I didn't say- Look, the point is, we want you to join our Wizard's Coven."

"Isn't a coven for witches?"

"I know not. Though, that does sound rather sexist."

At that, bosco puffed out his chest until it almost reached his stomach and threw his head back proudly. "We have so bestowed upon you this great honor and now we will commence a moment of silence whist this great and ponderous news sinks into your reality and thence we will formally accept your acceptance into this wondrous new chapter of your life."

And there followed a full minute of one of the most awkward silences I ever sat through while the shock of the absurdity slowly melted away.

"Let me guess," I said, speaking very softly, "you two never had too many friends growing up. You either spent the majority of your time stuffed in your locker or with your head dunked firmly in a toilet bowl and you currently spend a lot of time wondering why your never invited to the drinking party or why you can't get a girl to touch you."

They stared at me with raised eyebrows. Slowly Melville leaned into Bosco and whispered from the corner of his mouth, "how does he know all of this?"

"Surely, it is because he is a great wizard. We great wizards know these sort of things."

"Ah, but of course."

"All right, GET OUT!" I had had just about enough and my 45 and my blasting rod both were sounding like real viable options right then. "You heard me. GET OUT!"

The two of them stood up and solemnly stroked their fake beards. "I understand this whole thing can be rather shocking." Melville said, fishing in his pocket. "Most are not able to accept the fact that they are unique. They live in denial and try to be washed by mundane reality. To be accepted by all the..." he wrinkled his nose and sneered, "regular people. Please take this card in case you change your magical mind." He produced a business card with what looked like a dragon scrawled on it with bright red crayons.

"That does it." I said, rising from my seat. I gathered in my will and breathed out. " _Ventas Servitas_ "

A harsh wind erupted in my enclosed office that simultaneously opened the door and swept my two visitors out, tumbling head over heal. I watched them for a moment becoming entangled in their flowing cosplay robes before the door slammed shut with a satisfying bang.

I breathed hard for a long minute and felt immediate regret. They were just kids after all and meant no harm. Still, it had felt darn good. And it hadn't cost me any bullets either so a win there.

I settled back into my chair and cracked out my 'magic anti-headache potion' (two aspirins and a cuppa tap water) when my phone rang. I answered it and rang off my usual speech. "Hello, Harry Dresden office, Wizard for hire. Harry Dresden speaking, how may I help you."

"Harry?" a familiar voice sounded on the other line.

"Oh, hey Murph. Listen, you are not going to believe what just blew through here-"

"Harry, we need you down here. Now." Her voice sounded strained and a little shaky. That set my hackles bristling. Karrin Murphy wasn't the type of woman to be easily unnerved. To be fair, no one working in Chicago's homicide division could help but get used to some very ugly scenes but that went double for those in the S.I. division.

Murphy headed up Special Investigations, which officially dealt with 'strange cases' and unofficially dealt with my line of work. The supernatural. That's when things usually went from ugly to downright revolting.

"Is everything okay?" I asked. Stupid question! Murphy never called when things were okay. Something was very, very bad.

"Just get the hell down here, Dresden. 666 Auburst lane. And don't eat any lunch on the way over. It'll be hard keeping it down."


End file.
